If you’re wondering “how to give hickey“, it’s essentially a bruise created by suction. By placing your mouth on a soft area of skin (like the neck or inner arm) and sucking firmly for 20 to 30 seconds, you cause the tiny blood vessels (capillaries) to break. It’s always best to check in with your partner first, as hickeys are a very visible “mark” of intimacy that not everyone wants to display at work or school the next day.
Giving one is simple, but doing it well – and safely – requires a little know-how. Here’s everything you need.
Before You Start: The One Rule
Always get consent before giving a hickey. A hickey is visible and can last up to two weeks. It affects the other person’s appearance in public – at work, school, or around family. What feels intimate in the moment can become a source of embarrassment or conflict afterward.
Ask first. Seriously.
Step-by-Step: How to Give a Hickey
Step 1 – Choose the spot. The neck is the most common location, but the shoulder, collarbone, or inner arm also work. More on placement below.
Step 2 – Part your lips into an ‘O’ shape. Form a small circle with your mouth – large enough to cover the area but not so large it spreads the suction too wide.
Step 3 – Place your mouth firmly against the skin. No teeth yet – just lips. Make sure there’s a seal so air doesn’t escape.
Step 4 – Suck for 20 to 30 seconds. Apply consistent, firm suction – similar to drinking through a thick straw. Don’t release and resuck repeatedly; this breaks the effect and can be uncomfortable.
Step 5 – Release and check. You should see a pinkish-red mark forming almost immediately. If you want a darker mark, repeat the suction on the same spot after a 10-second break.
Step 6 – Soothe the skin. Gently rub the area in circular motions right after. This can help the mark develop more evenly.
Best Spots to Give a Hickey
| Location | Visibility | Sensitivity Level | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|
| Side of the neck | High | High | Classic spot; easy to cover with hair or collar |
| Back of the neck | Medium | Medium | Easier to hide with hair down |
| Collarbone | Medium | Medium | Stylish and easier to cover with clothing |
| Shoulder | Low | Low | Very easy to hide; less intense sensation |
| Inner arm | Low | Medium | Unusual but effective for privacy |
| Chest | Low | High | Intimate spot; hidden by clothing |
How to Make a Hickey Last Longer
The intensity of suction determines how dark and long-lasting the mark will be. More suction for longer = darker and slower to fade.
Cold temperatures slow blood flow and can help the mark look more defined early on. Some people apply a chilled spoon to the area right after – though this is a minor effect.
How to Make a Hickey Fade Faster
| Method | How It Helps | When to Use |
|---|---|---|
| Cold compress (first 12 hours) | Reduces inflammation and initial spreading | Immediately after |
| Warm compress (after 48 hours) | Increases circulation to break up pooled blood | Day 2 onwards |
| Arnica gel | Natural anti-inflammatory used for bruises | Day 1 onwards |
| Vitamin K cream | Helps the body reabsorb pooled blood faster | Day 1 onwards |
| Gentle massage | Encourages blood to disperse under the skin | Day 2 onwards |
| Concealer makeup | Covers, doesn’t heal – but works in the short term | Anytime |
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Going too hard immediately is the biggest mistake – start with moderate suction and build up. You can always go again; you can’t undo a mark that’s too harsh.
Using teeth: Small nibbles are fine for some people, but biting down can break the skin, cause real pain, and lead to scarring. Keep it suction-focused.
Giving one in a spot the other person hasn’t agreed to – especially somewhere visible. Always discuss placement.
Does It Hurt?
It can feel slightly uncomfortable – a tingling or light pressure sensation. It shouldn’t be painful. If the person says it hurts, ease up on the suction or switch to a less sensitive area.
The best hickeys happen when both people are relaxed and into it. Rushing rarely produces good results.